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Sports Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Sports Jokes
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- Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
- All of them, a crossbar can't jump!
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category: Sports Jokes
Two boys are playing football in the Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
- "'Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal", he starts writing in his notebook.
- "But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replies.
- "'Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," says the reporter as he writes in his notebook.
- "I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy says.
- "Then what are you?" the reporter askes.
- "I'm a Cowboys fan!!!" the boy says proudly. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
- "Redneck bastard kills family pet!"
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category: Sports Jokes
There were these two best friends out playing golf one beautiful day. After hitting their tee shots, both noticed that neither was even close to the fairway. One friend hit it way left, the other way right. They decided that since the shots were so bad, they'd just meet up at the hole. So the first guy went off and looked and looked and finally found his ball sitting down deep in a field of beautiful Buttercups. He promptly pulled out his 7 iron and started whacking away. Buttercups were flying everywhere, but the ball wouldn't come out. Well, finally Mother Nature got mad. She came up from the ground and said to the man,
- "I've created this beautiful field of Buttercups and you have no respect for them at all, now they are ruined. I'm going to have to punish you. Since these are Buttercups, your punishment is that you cannot have butter for a year."
The man started to laugh and went back to whacking at the Buttercups. Mother Nature said,
- "Hey, this is no laughing matter. What do you find so funny?"
The man looked up and said,
- "My buddy is over on the other side in the Pussywillows."
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category: Sports Jokes
Three guys are out hunting and sitting around the evening campfire exchanging their worst experiences. The first guy says the worst thing that ever happened to him was, he was up on a scaffold 7 stories high washing windows when the scaffold collapsed and he fell, breaking every bone in his body and he was hospitalized for six months. The second guy says the worst thing that ever happened to him was, he was hitch-hiking and a Greyhound bus ran over him, breaking his back and he wound up in the hospital for nearly a year. The 3rd guy was not saying anything, so one of the others asked him about his worst experience. He said,
- "Well, I'll tell you about the second worst thing that ever happened to me, I was out hunting one time and I had to take a shit, so I stepped behind a tree, dropped my trousers, and crouched down into *the* position."
- "Yeah? what happened next?" asks his friend.
- "I got a little too close to the ground and -- WHAM -- a bear trap snapped shut on my testicles."
One of the other guys said,
- "God! If that was the second worst, what in the world was the worst?"
He calmly replied,
- "Oh, that would be when I reached the end of the chain..."
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category: Sports Jokes
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself -"what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it,
- "Is this seat taken?"
The man replied,
- "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."
The other man replied,
- "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"
The man replied,
- "They're all at the funeral."
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category: Sports Jokes
Two cowboys are out on the range one starry night talking about their favorite sex positions. One says,
- “Ever have rodeo sex?”
- “Ain’t heard of that one,” says the other cowboy. “What is it?”
- “Well, you get the girl down on all fours, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup her breasts, whisper in her ear, ‘Boy, these feel just like your sister’s!’ and see how long you can hang on.”
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category: Sports Jokes
There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win, as they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.
- "A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
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category: Sports Jokes
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