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Stockbrokers Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Stockbrokers Jokes
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- What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock?
- In the first case, you help finance the local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters' home pool.
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
A stock broker to another
- "I don't think this line of work is for you. You just keep losing money all the time."
- "You're right" he replied"My whole life all I've done is lose money".
Next day he comes to work and resigns. His co-worker asks
- "What are you going to do with your life."
- "I finally figured out how I can make some money from losing money all the time."
- "How" asks the co-worker.
- "I am going to build a web page and take it public."
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
The Simpson's invited their new neighbors the Parkers over to dinner. During dinner Mr Simpson asked Mr Parker what he did for a living. 4 year old Billy Parker jumped in and said
- "Daddy is a fisherman!"
To which Mrs Parker replied
- "Billy why do say that? Your daddy is a stock broker not a fisherman."
- "No Mom. Everytime we visit dad at work and he hangs up the phone he laughs, rubs his hands together and says I just caught another fish."
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
For many years, a young stock broker at Big Street Investments would plan a yearly weekend getaway at a mountain Inn. He would rendez-vous with the innkeeper's daughter while he was there. Looking forward to this years trip he departed with his suitcases in hand. When he arrived at the Inn he made his way up the stairs to his usual meeting room. The door was open and he walked in glancing at the Innkeeper daughter sitting on the bed. There she sat with an infant on her lap!
- "Who is that he asked."
- "It's your son" she answred.
- "Why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the child would have my name!"
- "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and we finally decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a stock broker."
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
- Why is advice so cheap?
- Because supply always exceeds demand.
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
- What is a Stockbroker's Best Friend?
- Glass.
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
A man calls his stockbroker all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice. He says,
- "Sell it all, sell everything fast, right away."
The stockbroker tries to explain that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be. The man says,
- "Let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5 years."
- "Yes, go on," the stockbroker says.
- "Well. My wife has this thing about the market. Her grandparents lost it all in the great crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to original sin. When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the stock market and always leave all our money under the mattress."
- "Wow, I didn't know that. I guess you want the money because the market is going down, in case she asks for it."
- "No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days."
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
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