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Stockbrokers Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Stockbrokers Jokes
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A market guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. There the waiter asks him:
- "Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?"
The guru replies:
- "I'm feeling rather hungry right now. You'd better cut it into eight pieces."
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
A long time ago, a visitor from out of town came to a tour in Manhattan. At the end of the tour they took him to the financial district. When they arrived to Battery Park the guide showed him some nice yachts anchoring there, and said,
- "Here are the yachts of our bankers and stockbrokers."
- "And where are the yachts of the investors?" asked the naive visitor.
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
A young stockbroker decided to take a day off and visit some of his professors in his old school. When he made his way into the entrance he noticed a dog was attacking a small child. He quickly grabbed the dog and throttled it with his two hands. The next day the local newspaper reported the story with the headline,
- "Valiant student saves boy from ferocious dog".
The stockbroker called the editor and strongly suggested that a correction be issued and that the paper will tell the readers he was a successful Wall Street broker and not a student. The next day the newspaper issued a correction and the headline read,
- "Pompous stockbroker kills school mascot".
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
A stockbroker says to his colleague,
- "I don't think this line of work is for you. You just keep losing money all the time."
- "You're right," he replied. "My whole life all I've done is lose money".
Next day he comes to work and resigns. His coworker asks,
- "What are you going to do for living?"
- "I finally figured out how I can make some money from losing money all the time."
- "How?"
- "I am going to build a web page and take it public."
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
Stockbroker's creed:
- A man is a client until proven broke.
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
A stock analyst and a Wall Street broker went to the races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. The analyst was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the analyst.
- "You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed:
- "I told you, I knew the secret!"
- "What is your secret?" the analyst asked.
- "It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine."
- "But, three and five is eight," the analyst protested.
- "I told you, you are too theoretical!" the broker replied, "Haven't I just shown experimentally that my calculation is correct?!"
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said:
- "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"
One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed,
- "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!"
The second woman replied,
- "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!"
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category: Stockbrokers Jokes
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