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Travel Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Travel Jokes
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A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said
- "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
- "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?"
- "Yes," motioned the monkey.
- "What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
- "They were drinking?" asked the officer.
- "Yes!" the monkey motioned.
- "What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
- "They were smoking marijuana?"
- "Yes." the monkey confirmed.
- "What else?"
The monkey motioned
- "Screwing."
- "They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
- "Yes."
- "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked."
- "Yes."
- "What were you doing during all this?"
- "Driving" motioned the monkey.
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category: Travel Jokes
A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family at the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his daughter out for a drive in the car. One particular Sunday however, he was so full of cold that he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this week she would take their daughter out. They returned just before lunch and the little girl ran upstairs to see her father.
- "Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mummy?"
- "Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what... we didn't see a single bastard!"
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category: Travel Jokes
Father O'Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter's gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St. Peter asks the man,
- "What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?"
The man responds
- "My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York City Taxi driver for 14 years"
- "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your silk robe and golden sceptre, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord."
St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks
- "What is your name and what did you accomplish?"
He responds,
- "I'm Father O'Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord."
- "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter."
- "Wait a minute," says O'Flannagan, "You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden sceptre, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?"
- "Well," St. Peter replied, "We work on a performance scale, you see while you preached, everyone slept, when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!"
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category: Travel Jokes
A mother and her son were flying TWA from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and said,
- "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess,
- "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess asked,
- "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" He said that she had.
So she said,
- "Tell your mother that TWA always pulls out on time."
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category: Travel Jokes
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral.
- "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls Royce," the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.
- "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer said.
The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
- "Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone I learned that you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled.
- "Where else could I park my Rolls Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
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category: Travel Jokes
Happily cruising down the middle lane of a motorway with either indicator flashing, but going nowhere. Happily cruising down the middle lane of a motorway even when the road is almost entirely empty. Picking your nose and believing that no-one can see you. Not realising that there is any other setting for your lights than high beam. Indicating to move into a lane that you're already half way in. falling asleep at the wheel, just in time for the lights to turn green. Sounding your horn one nanosecond after the lights change to green if the car in front hasn't sped off. Sending sprays of wiper wash right over the top of your car and washing the one behind. Overtaking then pulling in front and slowing down. Sharing whatever is on your car stereo with anyone within a mile radius.
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category: Travel Jokes
A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer. Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it. She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock 'n' roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving. A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, "Asshole!"... The radio cut over to George Bush's press conference.
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category: Travel Jokes
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