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Travel Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Travel Jokes
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I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homosexual male flight attendant. At one point, he bounced over to where I was sitting and announced,
- "The Captain has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your trays - that would be great."
I did as he had instructed, but the woman sitting next to me did not. A few moments later, our flight attendant came back and said to her,
- "Ma'am, perhaps you couldn't hear me over the big scary engine, but I asked you to please put up your tray so that the captain can land the plane."
She still wouldn't comply. Now the attendant was getting rather angry and asked her again to put up the tray. She then calmly turned to him and said,
- "In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one."
Our flight attendant replied,
- "Oh yeah? Well in my country, I'm called a queen and I outrank you, bitch! So put the tray up!"
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category: Travel Jokes
A man phones home from his office and says to his wife,
- "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off. A week later, the man returns and his wife asks,
- "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
The man replies,
- "Yep, the fishing was great, but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
His wife smiles and says,
- "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
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category: Travel Jokes
A nurse working in a mental institution walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him,
- "Charlie, what are you doing?"
Charlie replied,
- "Driving to Chicago."
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks,
- "Well Charlie, how you doing?"
Charlie says,
- "I just got into Chicago."
- "Great," replied the nurse.
The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room and finds Bob sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously. With surprise she asks,
- "Bob, what are you doing?"
Bob replies,
- "I'm boinking Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"
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category: Travel Jokes
A pompous Southern minister was seated next to an attorney on a recent airline flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The attorney asks for a Gin and tonic, which is brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replies in disgust,
- "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"
The attorney politely handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
- "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice."
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category: Travel Jokes
A customs agent stopped an old Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases. In the first suitcase he found over a million dollars in old one-dollar bills.
- "Excuse me, sir," he asked the old gentleman, "where did you get all this money?"
- "Vell, I'll tell you," the old man began, "for many years, I traveled all around America. I stopped at all of the public rest rooms in all the major cities; I vent to New York, then I vent to Chicago, then I vent to San Francisco. I vent into all the stalls where the men were peeing and I say, "Give me a dollar for Israel, or I'll cut off your testicles vit my knife!"
- "That's quite a story," the customs agent said. "What's in the second suitcase?"
- "Vell, you know," said the old Jewish man shaking his head, "not everyone likes to give."
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category: Travel Jokes
A man and a woman were seated next to each other on the New York to Los Angeles flight. When they were over Chicago the man let out a sneeze, then reached under his belt and into his pants with a handkerchief. The woman pretended not to notice, being polite, thinking that he perhaps had an incontinence problem. A few minutes later, this was followed by a second sneeze. The man once again reached down into his pants with a handkerchief. The woman began to squirm uncomfortably in her seat. Then, this was followed by an even more powerful third sneeze. This time, the man unfastened his belt so he could more effectively clean off the areas below. The woman was aghast, couldn't take it anymore, and finally blurted,
- "Just what is going on with you!"
The man responded,
- "I have a very rare condition causing me to experience an orgasm each and every time I sneeze."
- "Oh," she replied. "But could you please trying being a little more discreet." She then asked, "What can you take for this type of rare condition?"
He responded,
- "Pepper."
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category: Travel Jokes
One afternoon, a representative for a condom company was on her way to an international condom convention. While rushing through the busy airport, she dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the floor. The woman noticed passersby looking at her as she quickly tried to stuff all of the condoms back into her briefcase.
- "It's okay," she said. "I'm going to a convention."
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category: Travel Jokes
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