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Travel Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Travel Jokes
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The subway car was packed beyond capacity. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said,
- "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"
- "I don't know what you're talking about miss. That's just my pay check in my pocket," replied the guy.
- "Oh really!" she spat. "Then you must really have quite some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half-hour."
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category: Travel Jokes
On an airline flight to Florida during a recent hurricane, the captain did his best to skirt the edge of the storm. But it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined bags in their seat pockets to good use. The turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves, and the captain's voice came on over the intercom.
- "Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn't it? But we came through it fine, just the way we always do, and I'm happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today's flight crew, I'd like to thank you very much for your calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Miami."
After a short pause and several clicks...
- "Geez. What a bitchin' ride! Boy, I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee and a blow job, right about now."
As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to inform the captain that his intercom was still on, one of the passengers called after her,
- "Don't forget the coffee!"
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category: Travel Jokes
A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a tramp steamer to be trained as a helmsman. He masters the classroom instruction, then starts his practical training on the wheel of the vessel. In his first lesson, the mate gives him a heading, and the young fellow holds to it. Then the mate orders,
- "Come starboard."
Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor. The mate has an incredulous look on his face as the helm swings freely. Then, rather gently considering the circum-stance, he asks politely,
- "Could you bring the ship with you?"
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category: Travel Jokes
A vacationer called a seaside hotel to ask its location.
- "It's only a stone's throw from the beach," he was told.
- "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.
Came the reply:
- "It's the one with all the broken windows."
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category: Travel Jokes
A monastery perched high upon a cliff and the only access to reach it was by way of riding in a basket which several monks hauled up to the top. Obviously the ride over the rocky jagged terrain was steep, and in a wicker basket, terrifying to all but the naively fearless. One visitor, however, got exceedingly nervous. Roughly halfway up he saw that the rope by which he was being hauled was rather frayed and splitting. Shaking in his boots but unable to move, he frantically asked the monk who was seated next to him how often they changed the rope. Thinking for a moment, the monk answered,
- "Whenever it breaks."
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category: Travel Jokes
A woman called to make reservations
- "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York"
The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked
- "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"
- "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with
- "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere"
The customer retorted,
- "Oh don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!"
The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered
- "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"
- "That's it! I knew it was a big animal" was the reply.
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category: Travel Jokes
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
- "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
- "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
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category: Travel Jokes
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