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Travel Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Travel Jokes
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A neighbor of mine took off with his family to see the country. When he returned, I asked how he enjoyed the vacation.
- "Hugh," he replied, "have you ever spent 3 weeks in a mini-van with those you thought you loved?"
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category: Travel Jokes
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
- "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said,
- "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"
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category: Travel Jokes
An airline pilot finishes talking to the passengers after the plane has taken off, and forgets to turn off the intercom. He said to the co-pilot,
- "I think I'll go take a dump and then put the make on that new blonde stewardess."
The stewardess hears it, and runs up the aisle to tell him the intercom is still on. She trips and falls in her haste. A little old lady looks down at her and says,
- "There's no rush, honey. He said he had to take a dump first."
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category: Travel Jokes
An Englishwoman and her young son were travelling in a taxi in New York. As they were driving through a rather seedy looking part of town, the boy became fascinated by the garishly made up women in short skirts and high heels who seemed to be accosting some of the men passing by.
- "Mummy" the boy asked, "what are those ladies doing?"
The mother, clearly embarassed by the question, replied:
- "I expect they're lost and are asking people for directions"
The taxi driver overhead this and interrupted:
- "why not tell me boy the truth, those women are prostitutes."
The mother blushed more brightly at this remark but the boy wouldn't let it go:
- "What are prostitutes Mummy, are they like other women, do they have children too?"
- "Of course" the mother replied, "that's where New York taxi drivers come from."
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category: Travel Jokes
Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly. Keep at least five cats in the car. Stop and collect roadkill. Stop at the green lights. Go at red ones. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone. Wear a Chicken suit. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.
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category: Travel Jokes
This lady who was living in New York City had to get back to her old country but she was broke. One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a worker getting ready to load supplies onto a boat.
- "Please I need to get back to England" she pleaded. "If you sneak me onboard tonight I'll give you favors all the way across the ocean."
Well needless to say later that night he put her in a duffel bag and carried her onboard. Down in the hold where she was hidden he said,
- "When I bring you some food, twice a day, I'll collect." And being true to her word she agreed. This went on for about a week when by accident the captain found her.
- "Please don't get angry," she started to say and explained the story to the captain who busted up laughing.
- "Why are you laughing?" she demanded.
He said,
- "Because you're on the Statten Island Ferry."
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category: Travel Jokes
Pilot to tower ... pilot to tower ... I am 300 miles from land ... 600 feet over water ... and running out of fuel ... please instruct! Tower to pilot ... tower to pilot ... repeat after me:
- "Our Father, which art in heaven ..."
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category: Travel Jokes
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