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Travel Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Travel Jokes
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A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
- "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."
- "We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."
- "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
- "And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
- "No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."
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category: Travel Jokes
Tower:
- "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702:
- "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower:
- "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7... did you copy the report from Eastern?"
Continental 635:
- "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff... and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
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category: Travel Jokes
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
- "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indialns have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies,
- "Tonto Kowalski, nice to meet you."
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category: Travel Jokes
I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said,
- "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"
Keith replied,
- "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."
Picture this, all the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines!
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category: Travel Jokes
A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells,
- "Hey, bud, this is my car!"
- "OK," the man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the back."
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category: Travel Jokes
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
- "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
- "That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
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category: Travel Jokes
An FAA Inspector walked into a doctor's office with a frog on his head. The doctor asked,
- "What can I do for you?"
And the frog said,
- "Take this wart off my butt."
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category: Travel Jokes
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