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Travel Jokes
Jokes, funny texts - Travel Jokes
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The work of a certain timid but thorough law clerk was valued for its precision, so soon he was making money to buy himself a nice imported sports car. Not long afterwards he had the misfortune to get lost in the worst part of town, and when he stopped at a red light a huge, mean son-of-a-bitch hauled him out of the driver's seat. Drawing a circle around him on the pavement, the hoodlum told him not to set foot out of it unless he wanted the shit beat out of him. The delinquent proceeded to demolish the car, starting with the headlights and windows, when he heard the law clerk giggling. He moved on to the body and engine, but in between crashes he couldn't help hearing gales of laughter. Finally, crowbar in hand, he came over to his victim and demanded,
- "What you laughing about? Your fancy car's never gonna run again."
- "So?" the clerk gasped helplessly, tears running down his face. "Ever since you started tearing up my car, I've been stepping in and out of this circle, in and out, in and out..."
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category: Travel Jokes
There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother's house every weekend. It took him 2 hours and he alway's made it by there by 2PM. One day he tried to make it in 1 hour. Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride. The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how?
- "No problem," says the man in the corvette, "I've got a rope in the back and we'll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride."
The man says,
- "Ok!"
They take off and the driver yells back,
- "Just yell BEEP BEEP if I'm going to fast."
No problem the man thinks. They come to an Intersection and a Ferrari pulls up, the man's eye's widen in fright. Sure enough, the light changes and THEY'RE OFF! Anyway, the guy made it to his brothers on time and the Vette lost. Meanwhile, at the local police dept...
- "Hey guys the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a 'Vette just lost me at over 120 mph on Main Street."
- "What's so weird about that?" asks the other cops.
The first cop says,
- "There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming BEEP BEEP and trying to pass!"
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category: Travel Jokes
The policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him:
- "Why are you trying to cross here when there's a zebra crossing only fifty feet away?"
- "Well" replied the jay walker, "I hope it's having better luck than me."
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category: Travel Jokes
The Policeman couldn't believe his eyes as he saw the woman drive past him, busily knitting. Quickly he pulled along the vehicle, wound down his window and shouted
- "Pull over!"
- "No" she replied, "they're socks!"
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category: Travel Jokes
- What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
- The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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category: Travel Jokes
One day Hanson and the Spice Girls were all on an airplane. They all got into a discussion when Baby Spice stated,
- "You know, I could toss a thousand-dollar bill out the window of this plane and make one person very happy."
Then the eldest Hanson brother said,
- "Well, I could toss 10 one-hundred-dollar bills out of the plane and make ten people pretty happy."
Then Sporty Spice said,
- "Well, I could toss 100 ten-dollar bills out of the plane, and make 100 people happy."
Then the middle Hanson brother very proudly said,
- "Well, I could toss 1000 one-dollar bills out of the window and make 1000 people happy."
Sick of the discussion, another passenger replied,
- "Well, I have a better idea! I could toss all of you out of the window and make the entire world extremely happy."
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category: Travel Jokes
A farmer has a space ship land on his property and aliens get out. They say they are stuck and can't leave until the next day. The farmer invites the alien and his wife to stay as their guests for the night. The alien says,
- "Thanks. But the custom where they come from is to have guests exchange wives."
The farmer said okay and asked his wife, who also agrees. That night the wife is in the bedroom with the alien. When he gets undressed and into bed, she looks at his penis and tells him that it looks pretty tiny. He says,
- "No problem," and pulls on his ear. The penis gets longer.
She looks at it again and says,
- "That's pretty skinny."
Again, he pulls on his ear and it gets fatter. She enjoys the rest of the night. The next morning, after the aliens leave, she tells her husband how enjoyable the night had been. He says,
- "It was lousy for me. She kept pulling on my ears all night."
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category: Travel Jokes
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